Catch All The Girlfriends! 2 Read online

  Catch All The Girlfriends! 2

  KJ HARLOW

  KJ HARLOW.COM

  Contents

  Previously, on Catch All The Girlfriends 1…

  I. Getting back the GF-wiki

  1. Panic! Outside Mr. Pampers

  2. The Global Girlfriend Network

  3. Swimsuit Shenanigans

  4. The Big Dish

  5. The Breeders Club

  6. Reunion Of The Topaz Trio

  7. Shattered Story

  8. The Tree Cottage

  9. Scardino Is Here!

  10. Sad Love

  11. Back To Reality

  12. Girlfriend Chat

  13. Extraction

  14. The Pink-Light District

  15. Kicking Ass

  16. Rescue

  17. The Truth

  18. Scarzilla

  19. Never Walk Alone

  20. Coming Together

  II. All Aboard The S.S. Cruisy McCruiseface!

  21. Before Boarding

  22. Upon Waters Blue

  23. Back On The Deck

  24. Gentleman Mortimer Wants To Battle!

  25. TLC

  26. The Plot Freezes

  27. An Unexpected Face

  28. ASSHAT WANTS TO BATTLE!

  29. The Seasick Captain

  30. Sea Of Ice

  31. Agate Island

  32. Snow Fight!

  33. Annoying Ice Puzzle

  34. The Man In The Coat

  35. Wild Angelika Appears!

  36. Rescue

  37. The Lips Of An Angel

  38. Big Battle

  39. She Lives!

  40. Going Back

  Previously, on Catch All The Girlfriends 1…

  Yo! This is Soph. In case you’re as much of a fuckwit as my trainer, let me fill you in on what’s happened so far:

  Yoshi Soysauce (don’t ask me why his name’s so damn stupid) woke up late and missed out on choosing a starter girlfriend. He got stuck with Starlotte, an interstellar-type with no offensive moves because she somehow forgot them. Professor Poke lent her to him on the condition that he doesn’t send her into battle. He is only to use her to make an errand to Onyx before returning her.

  So what does my asswipe of a trainer do? Sends out Starry against me, the first girlfriend he sees outside of town. This is where the story gets good. I beat both of them until they’re within an inch of their lives. Cuz I’m so bored of being in Route 17 smashing everyone, I decide to make use of them. They join my team and we’re on our way.

  We get to Onyx and find out that the path to the Celeste Caverns is closed off by the police. Yoshi Mayonnaise bitches that we’re stuck. If it wasn’t for my keen people watching skills, he wouldn’t have noticed that there were a lot of fisherman around. We go to Onyx Lake where we meet such a disgusting specimen of trainer he even makes Yoshi look half-decent. I mean, who actually beats up their own girlfriends? I teach him a lesson and he goes crying home.

  So Bossman and Starry ditch me at Mr. Pampers. I get all healed up. By this time, it’s sun down. Not knowing where the hell they are, I wonder around the boring old town. Then guess who it is I see? None other than Fatty McFatshit the girlfriend beater. I couldn’t believe my eyes, not because he dared showed himself in front of me again, but because he seemed to actually be running. On second thought, it was more like waddling really, really fast.

  Turns out the PoPo ain’t too happy when you beat up trainers in town. I get thrown into the slammer after I peck the shit out of him (totes worth it). Yosh comes back and bails me out (as he should, he’d be nothing without me). Apparently, the fat shit fisherman had kidnapped a new girlfriend that Bossman had just caught. This is where Team Boom (aka the bad guys) comes in.

  We team up with one of the police bitches (look, she was literally a female dog. It’s not like I disliked her or anything. OK, maybe a little bit) and we rock up to Team Boom’s hide out. We go to the top of a swanky mall called Winza 6 and take on a midget old man called Gonzales, the head honcho of Team Boom. This where I might have been knocked out by one of his fighting-type Janettes, though I did give her a piece of my mind before that.

  I wake up and we’re back in Mr. Pampers. They had rescued Felicity, his water-type (who was a SHINY, wtfzomgbbq) and we all lived happily ever after - not. We train a bit then hit up the Onyx Gym. Smash through the first couple of trainers then get up to the gym leader, Brother Rock. I take one for the team (did I mention that Yoshi would be nothing without me?) and Starry ends up saving the day by Gazing the enemy girlfriend to submission (or something along those lines).

  The route to the Celeste Caverns still isn’t open. Bossman finally does something useful and manages to get one of the senior Labby bitches to sneak us through. All he had to do was give her his bone. On the way, he also catches a Crystal rock-type and a Chippie normal-type (‘bout time). Inside, he also catches a Suzy cave bat, who acts as our guide. She reckons that if Starry sees the Grand Stone, a gigantic space rock that crashed into the Caverns a billion years ago, it might fix up her amnesia.

  On the way there, my trainer manages to piss off a few thousand cave bats and their mom. We find ourselves in a different part of the cave and then find Starry’s mom. We also find the guy that Yoshi’s been looking for: Ivan Tozuck. He’d apparently been captured by Novaria (Starry’s mom) and kept as a sex slave, reason being all of her daughters had been abducted and she was trying to repopulate the cave. She gives Starry a piece of the Grand Stone and we disappear before we get roped into more babysitting duties.

  Where there’s stink there’s shit and the cave really stank. Didn’t take Team Boom long to show their Frank-forsaken faces. They have some weird gun that vaporizes girlfriends, but only if the girlfriends are wild. One of the Team Boom grunts shot Suze and it didn’t affect her, though it did shake her up. I take on Team Boom and unfortunately get poisoned. That’s game over for me.

  From what I heard afterwards though, Gonzales is there again and he was mining the Grand Stone to turn into Agent N, a drug that accelerated the levelling in girlfriends (which had been tested on Flick). He lets us go and we fight our way out to Sapphire. Who does Bossman see right at the exit to the Caverns? Ivan Tozuck - and he’s with Team Boom all along! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!

  Without me, all of the girlfriends faint. Starry’s the last one to go but she activated some secret power in the Grand Stone shard her mom gave her. It revived her, helped her level up a few times, evolve and learn a new move (not jealous at all). She nearly beats that traitor before the FESS rock up and gate crash the party.

  Anywho, that’s what’s happened so far. If you wanna see how I save the day in CATG 2 keep reading. Laters!

  Part I

  Getting back the GF-wiki

  1

  Panic! Outside Mr. Pampers

  What. The. Fuck.

  Ambulances. Reporters. Cops. Sirens.

  Starlottes… hundreds, no, thousands of them, lying in the middle of the street, pale and still. A gurney pushed by a man in pink scrubs rattled past at breakneck speed, swerving and almost crashing into Starry.

  “Hey! Watch where you’re going!” Yoshi hollered. He wrapped his hand around his girlfriend and squeezed her shoulder. “Are you OK?”

  “Be careful!” Starry reached a hand out helplessly towards the Mr. Pampers nurse.

  “Whoooa!” He lost control of the gurney and it tipped over, the Starlotte on top dropping with a dull thud on three of her sisters. None of them stirred.

  “Excuse me! Not now,” a portly man with a shiny, black comb-over donning a bright pink blazer clucked, squeezing past a throng of reporters stabbing microphones towards him. “Vincenzo! Take our patient
off the others and put her next to them.”

  Yoshi raised an eyebrow. Mr. Pampers? He could have been a carbon copy of the one back in Onyx. The only difference was his thin mustache. It had been molded – and possibly gelled – into a squiggly “S” shape on either side of his nose.

  A hand clapped onto his shoulder. “There you are.”

  Yoshi jumped and turned around. “P-Professor Poke. You remember Starl – I mean – Serenette, well, you won’t remember her because–”

  Poke raked a hand through his bomb-blast hair. “Yoshi, what is going on here?”

  “Ah, um,” he stammered. “It’s a long story. I was battling Ivan, then the Federal Elite Strike Squad appeared and ambushed – well, not ambushed, we weren’t doing anything wrong, actually, he was but I–”

  “No – we’ll talk about that later. What’s going on here?” He swept a hand at the Starlottes filling up the streets. Despite Mr. Pampers’ best attempts, some were still being stacked on top of each other.

  “Yo, dickhead!” Yoshi glanced towards the familiar voice. Mr. Pampers was charging back into his clinic with a huff, the gaggle of reporters not far behind, brandishing their microphones. Soph was standing in the doorway of the clinic, too busy snickering at her trainer to see the fabulous fat man charging towards her. Flick looped her arms around the bird-kin’s waist and yanked her out of the way. Crystal, Chippie and Suze had already shuffled to one side, eyes wide with bewilderment.

  Yoshi’s girlfriends wove their way through the throng towards their trainer single file, stepping around the Starlottes on the ground.

  “What happened to you?” Sophie asked, pointing a finger at Serenette. “Don’t tell me…” The flying-type glanced between her and Yoshi. “Did you evolve?”

  Starry smiled faintly and nodded. Yoshi turned to his six girlfriends.

  “This isn’t really the best place to do introductions, we should go somewhere–” A hand clapped onto Yoshi’s shoulder. He nudged it away. “Professor Poke, in a sec.” Cold metal closed around his wrist and he spun in surprise.

  NAME: Chernoire

  LEVEL: 55

  HP: 178/178

  “Yoshi Soysauce?” Darkness licked and ebbed faintly from the edges of the demon hound. Her antlers were shorter than the one in the police station and didn’t fork out as much. “We’re in need of your assistance.”

  “You arrest those you need assistance from?” As Yoshi asked that, the Chernoire clicked the cuffs onto his other wrist.

  “Security precautions.” Her voice was quiet but cut through the chaos. She levelled a gaze at his six girlfriends standing in a semi-circle around them. They were tense, but none of them moved a muscle. They too could sense that the FESS girlfriend was in a league of her own.

  She gave Yoshi a nudge in the back. “This way.”

  “Your fingerprints were found on the weapon.” Kolevski sat back in his chair, a look of mild annoyance on his face. He really must not have liked people disturbing him in the middle of his report writing.

  “Yes, because I found it in the Celeste Caverns and picked it up. Of course my prints are on it.” Kolevski’s slate-gray eyes were probing and searching through him again, this time with renewed zeal. I have done nothing wrong. I am not guilty… so why do I feel like I am?

  He turned away and looked towards the one-way mirror. Poke was in there, along with his girlfriends. He turned back towards the interrogator.

  “Does the gun have something to do with all the Starlottes outside?”

  The bald interrogator might as well have been made of stone; he gave nothing away. It made Yoshi wonder what would happen if Stone from Onyx Gym was in this chair instead of him. Perhaps they were related?

  The door behind them opened and closed quietly. Chernoire stood there, hands relaxed by her side. She gave the slightest shake of the head and Yoshi couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief.

  “The girlfriends you speak of were expelled from the weapon in question.” Kolevski said slowly. Revealing this piece of information seemed to cause the man some discomfort, as if he felt he should only be extracting – not giving away – intel.

  Yoshi leaned forward. “The Starlottes, are they… dead?” His heart thumped faster and faster as Kolevski stared at him.

  “No – just unconscious.” Yoshi felt the muscles in his shoulders relax. Thank Frank.

  “You know nothing about the weapon?” This time the Chernoire spoke. She had crossed the room soundlessly and was standing a foot away from Yoshi.

  “You should talk to Ivan Tozuck,” Yoshi responded. “He’s with them, Team Boom. He knew what it did.”

  “That option isn’t available to us,” the Chernoire said. Yoshi raised an eyebrow. Part of him wanted to probe, but the other part wanted to get the hell out of here.

  “All I know is that it captures girlfriends and doesn’t seem to work on caught girlfriends. It also seems to have a memory wiping effect. My girlfriend,” Yoshi said, looking towards the one-way mirror again, “forgot her attacking move and who attacked her.” He turned his attention to the demon hound. “What are you going to do with all the Starlottes?”

  “After they have been treated, they will be transported back to the Caverns,” she said.

  “Good.” Novaria would be overjoyed to find out that her numerous star-kin hadn’t perished. Starlottes were currently marked as 2-star in rarity. Would this unusual event affect how the GF-wiki displayed their rarity? Oh shit… I still need to get a new GF-wiki…

  The Chernoire stepped around Yoshi and stood by the edge of the table. As dangerous as she was, he couldn’t help but check out her tight rear and powerful glutes straining through her pants. She rummaged through her inner breast pocket, pulled something out and placed it on the table.

  She took a step back and crossed her arms. “This was taken from the weapon.” It was cylindrical and capped top and bottom in polished aluminium. The body was transparent, with what looked like hundreds of blue sprites bouncing off the glass cylinder and each other. It cast a brilliant light that bathed the room in deep sea-blue.

  Yoshi couldn’t tear his eyes away. “What is it?”

  “We’re not sure… yet,” the Chernoire said, hesitantly. She also seemed uncomfortable putting forth the information. Kolevski was silent, staring at the mystical cylinder as transfixed as Yoshi was. Before they knew it, the Chernoire had taken the glass canister off the table and slipped it back inside her breast pocket. Yoshi blinked several times while the bald interrogator kept staring at the spot where it had been.

  “We thank you for your co-operation; you are free to leave now.”

  “Can I have one of yours?” Starry whisked a pancake off her trainer’s plate before he had a chance to respond. He was too busy staring out over the balcony to his left. They were having breakfast at a place directly opposite the police station. Most of the pandemonium had cleared out by the time they left. Labbies were directing traffic, assisting FESS or men in pink. All the unconscious Starlottes had been moved off the road and somewhere safer. Thank Frank the Mr. Pampers clinic in Sapphire was five times bigger than the one in Onyx. The 12 ambulances were already neatly parked again in two rows by the ER.

  Professor Poke cleared his throat loudly from the other end of the table. “A toast.” The six girlfriends put their knives and forks down, grabbing their glasses. Flick nudged Starry and she put her cutlery down.

  “When Yoshi walked into my lab all those weeks ago, I didn’t think he had what it took to be a trainer. Looking at you all today, I can see that he’s proven me wrong.” He surveyed the six girlfriends in front of him, orange juice sloshing about in his glass. “Here’s to more successful battles and fewer arrests!”

  Amid laughter and smiles, Yoshi managed to crack a grin and raised his glass.

  “What was that all about?” Yoshi asked.

  “It was a toast. What, you’ve never been toasted before?” Poke said. They leaned on the balcony several feet away from th
e ravenous girlfriends.

  “I know it was… never mind.” The sun was high in the sky, beating down on the city of Sapphire. “Why did you come here?”

  “I was summoned by FESS to tell them what I knew about Ivan.” Poke furrowed his brow, heaving a great sigh. “I should have seen it coming. He completely hoodwinked me.”

  “What did you tell them?”

  “I told them what I knew. That he worked for me as a lab assistant.”

  “Did Ivan ask you to bail him out?”

  “Of course. No chance of that happening. I’m surprised he continued providing data for my research while gallivanting with Team Boom; it was surprisingly good. At any rate, his research career is finished. No professor or researcher in their right mind would sully their reputation by hiring a criminal.”

  Yoshi was quiet. He looked over his shoulder. Starry and Flick were fighting over the last croissant until Soph pulled out Dagger Wing and slashed it down the middle, narrowly missing the table. The other three girlfriends were shrieking with laughter, even the usually reserved Crystal.

  “I meant what I said, Yoshi. You’ve proven me wrong. You were the last person I expected to make it as a trainer.”

  “Thanks, Professor.”